This summer has been hard.
I am definitely someone affected by reverse seasonal depression. The sun and the changing barometric pressure from the relentless heatwaves are too much for my migraines and anxiety. I end up spending a lot of time inside, not being able to enjoy the season.
What’s worse is that while I’m inside, my symptoms get to be overwhelming to the point where I’ve had to take a lot of days off this summer. Brain fog. Head pain. That terrible off-balance feeling. This isn’t even the full list of what my body does when the days get longer and the thermometer ratchets up.
Part of this reverse seasonal depression stems from not being able to stay consistent with the routines I set up for myself.
However, while on a walk last week around my neighborhood, it turns out my relationship with consistency is changing yet again.
What Consistency Used to Mean to Me
For almost all of my life, consistency has meant making a commitment to something and then showing up every single day to that thing.
Joke’s on me though.
As someone with migraines and anxiety, there is no way I can physically or mentally show up to any one thing every day. Inevitably, I will need to take a day off to tend to myself. But, oh, did that come with a ton of guilt.
Whether it was having to call out of work when I was teaching or taking a day or two off from writing, it felt as though I had failed somehow, even though there was no way my body or brain could show up to the task in that moment.
I had this strict “you have to show up” thinking.
What I had really done was set myself up for failure before I’d even started because as some point my body was going to force me to a grinding halt.
Well, that did a number on my mental health.
When you’re the boss, a day off feels like a setback to moving your projects and business forward. And yet, I needed those days to get back to baseline.
I needed to find a way to reconcile a new definition of consistency with those days when chronic illness flares up.
What Changed?
The heatwave finally broke last Wednesday.
It was 80 degrees in a summer that has been mostly in the 90s and sometimes 100s with a mugginess so thick it feels like you’re drowning.
But this day, there was none of that. It was comfortable. Breezy. Warm.
My brain felt good. My body felt strong. There was none of the checking for symptoms that I normally do during this time of year.
As I walked, I thought about how this was the first walk outside I’d been on in a while, and how it could be the kickoff to being more consistent with working out.
That assessment of my summer didn’t seem right though. I’ve been going to pilates when my migraines allow me to. I’ve been going on walks on the treadmill in my basement. The only difference was that I hadn’t been keeping the same workout schedule I’d had from January to mid-April.
However, I’d never stopped working out completely. I’d just had to amend it to accommodate my body for the summer.
It was a lightbulb moment. How could I be starting over…if I never actually stopped?
There was no need for yet another day one because I was simply picking up where I left off and making space to take care of my needs.
What Consistency Means to Me Now
I am taking the every day out of my definition of consistency.
Instead, consistency means simply showing up.
I have my planner. I have my days that are devoted to blog writing and social media and my days that are devoted to novel writing. I have my pilates classes scheduled out into September and the rest of my engagements all written down.
I also know that at some point my body is going to revolt. I have a lifetime’s worth of evidence to suggest that inevitability. And I need to be okay with taking days off to take care of myself.
I need to work with my body, not against it.
That also means giving myself built in time off every week to decompress, so that I don’t have a migraine or anxiety flare.
And knowing when I have the most energy during the day and using that to my advantage. (It’s mornings before 12pm for anyone wondering.)
But I’m no longer acting as though I have to start from scratch when I’ve never actually stopped. I’m simply going to pick up from where I left off and continue moving forward…without the guilt.
We’ve Got This
Giving up the strict rules of “consistency” has already done wonders for my mental health.
If nothing else it definitely lets the pressure off. And who needs pressure in the summer time anyway? This is supposed to be a slower time meant for fun and relaxation. Right…? Lol
What is your definition of consistency, and how do you practice consistency in your life? Let me know in the comments!
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Until next week, friends.
Robyn Neilsen 