“I lost my job and gave myself six months to go all in on my dreams. In that time, I wrote the first and second draft of my debut novel, got an agent, and signed a two-book publishing deal.”

This was the hook of an inspirational TikTok about chasing your dreams of becoming a writer, spoken by a pretty woman with a soft voice and long, mermaid hair, holding her debut novel in her hands. Eyes and smile shining.

And then there was me.

The writing ogre, under the covers, doing a late-night doomscroll after a day spent taking out sentences and putting in new ones to chapter one of my current work in progress. I am on draft 1000000. At least that’s what it feels like. And I have been in the query trenches with her since 2023. A length of time far longer than six months.

That woman’s story is lovely. I am happy for her. But that story is an outlier. At least it is in my experience. Dreams don’t come easy to all who chase them. And I think for the purpose of inspiring those of us who have been at it for a while with the opposite outcome, more stories of the reality of the querying trenches need to be shared.

My reality is that I left my career in teaching to be a full-time writer.

It’s been fun. Rewarding. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. But it’s not an aesthetic TikTok video. I didn’t become a full-time writer and fall into an easily written novel, my dream agent, and a traditional publishing deal.

I’ve done a lot of research. Joined writer groups. Subscribed to writer specific platforms and trade papers. I’ve written two novels that I keep rewriting. And some days, I happen upon a TikTok video of someone who is getting to live my dream, and it seemingly didn’t take them the amount of work that it’s taking me.

Makes me angry. And frustrated. Sometimes I cry, especially when I’m about to get my period and all forms of rational thought go completely out the window without my even trying.

And then I remember that it’s okay if:

1. Your journey to publication looks different than someone else’s.
2. You put aside the book you’re currently querying to work on a new project.
3. The first agent, the 100^th, and/or any of the agents inbetween didn’t ask for your full manuscript.
4. You’re on your 50^th rewrite and still not ready to query.
5. You’ve decided to self-publish after being in the querying trenches for years.
6. You didn’t get an offer of representation after only one month of querying.
7. It took you longer than three months to write your first draft.

I say this to myself and to anyone else who creates but hasn’t found their foothold yet.

It’s reminding myself of these facts that rights my perspective.

My journey is mine. Whatever that means, wherever it takes me. I just need to keep going.