PMS. Periods.

Brings to mind those brightly colored pad and tampon ads where athletic woman in spandex are jumping through the air like Olympiads.

Whereas, the reality (or at least my reality) is laying on the couch, wondering if I should take half a Xanax for my extraordinary anxiety, while also wondering if any of the events I had planned for today are actually going to happen. My body and mind are both pleading with me to rest. My limbs are heavy. My cramps are cramping. And my mood is swinging. And this is six days before my period is slated to touchdown.

I wish there was some mid-life health class booster akin to what we had in sixth grade when our teachers prepared us for impending period hood because I feel completely unprepared for this fresh hell.

“Bodies change” is not a new mantra. But how bodies change is not nearly discussed as often. And I wish it were. We need to stop being so ashamed of women’s bodies.

I wish I had known that every month might be different when it comes to PMS/period symptoms.

And I wish I had known that ovulation mid-month comes with its own host of hormone related, period-esque issues. Case in point, this month my ovulation time came with high anxiety, a multi-day migraine attack, and lots of crying. Some months I have energy on top of energy. But like periods, the details of that time vary from month to month.

I wish I had known that cramps and migraines and mood swings are NOT the only PMS/period related symptoms. There have been many months where I have sciatic nerve pain, Bartholin’s cysts, ectopic heartbeats and even jaw pain and gum swelling that comes on at the onset of my ovulation or PMS/period window and goes away within seven days of when that window opens. (I’ve seen doctors. It’s all normal.)

But it’s not all bad. In fact, I find that my focus is at its best around the time of my period.

It has taken me all of my 30’s to figure my body out, and even though I have a pretty good understanding of her, I am still learning her.

But I wish someone had told me what my body could do beyond the scope of what’s considered “normal.” Or maybe no one told me because…well…they didn’t know. Or maybe they were ashamed because for so long we have talked about women’s bodies in whispers. I mean, take for instance pad and tampon commercials that just started using red liquid to show the absorbency of the product when for years, decades even, they’ve been using blue liquid because “red looked too much like blood”.

We bleed. That’s what our bodies do. Every month until menopause. Can we stop treating women’s bodies like shameful pieces of meat, and start doing what we can to understand them? Start talking about them in ways that help future generations understand that normal looks different for everyone each month and throughout a lifetime?

For now, me and my PMS are going to figure out the day. Or not. Sometimes it’s best to just lean in.

Until next week, friends.