Hey friends.

Sorry that it’s been a minute. I’m not good at schedules. Or keeping to a routine.

You know how they say that it takes 30 days (or is it 90…?) to build a habit? Well, I am one of those weirdos who would do something for as long as it’s supposed to take to build the habit and then just…stop.

Like full stop. Total pause. And then have this absolute teenage rebellion style emotional reaction to when I want to get back into said routine that I’ve abandoned.

This version of myself just freaks the f**k out internally, like “ROBYN WE ARE NOT GOING TO THE GYM FIVE DAYS A WEEK LIKE WE WERE DOING!”

And it’s not a function of not being able to keep with the schedule because I don’t like what I’m doing. I think I am allergic to routine. Even though I love routine. I THRIVE on routine. At least I thought I did.

I also have migraine, so there’s that. Consistency can sometimes be a challenge due to levels of pain and other symptoms.

Perhaps this is just another thing I am rebelling against in my post teaching life. I don’t use alarms anymore. I get anxiety when I have to be somewhere by a certain time.

And really, from 5 to 35, I was in a school setting, either attending school or working at a school. My life was run by bells for 30 years. I can’t take another f**king bell.

So, how do I beat this? I have no idea. Not a single clue. However, I think the key more than anything is to build momentum. Doing a thing one day at a time and allowing the momentum of the doing to grow.

*Pops Advil, chugs water*

I love working on this blog. I love that it gives space for my thoughts. But sometimes I get so bogged down in the “this blog should be DOING something”.

And maybe that’s just it. Maybe it doesn’t need to do anything. Maybe it just is.

Actually…now that I think about it…

If you read my blog from the beginning of the year, you’ll remember that I did a little “12 Magical Nights” Ritual. One of the wishes was to write just for the fun of it again. Maybe that’s what this blog is. Just writing for the fun of it. It doesn’t need to do anything. It just needs to be here.

There’s a lesson in there. Stop trying to make “fetch” happen. Well, maybe not that. But I think the lesson here for me is to stop putting so much pressure on things and just have fun.

Fun is where the magic is.

Until next time, friends.